Wednesday, October 27, 2010




A Durian Crazy Indian in Malaysia


Ok! So, I had landed in Malaysia as a new bride. Scared, confused, excited, nervous, and surrounded by a mile-long family. It was not easy to begin with. You know leaving your land, the place you grew up, all the bittersweet memories and your identity basically. But I was here, in a foreign territory, a very new culture and shockingly conservative people.

There were many things around me which were not nice or not easy to get adjusted to. But more than anything else, the food was a big problem. For the love of god, I could not get used to that stench which covered most of the wet markets. A mixed foul odor of something like rotten eggs, smelly dead fish and rats! If you were able to get past that stench, you would qualify as a true Malaysian. Supermarkets were not a very welcomed idea at that point and wet markets ruled. That is where I learned my local lingo as well, Bahasa Malaysia, but the market version.


It took me a year and a half to get habituated to almost everything Malaysian, and in this context, food. I know many of my close friends here do not approve of my sudden switch from a pure vegetarian to a meat eater. But that’s another story. So, I lived in a huge family where my father-in-law used to do most of the groceries for home. He loved shopping and he always fed us well with amazing fruits from time to time. Malaysia is a blessing for food and fruits and I had already learnt that in my second year of stay here. Being loaded with tropical fruits, Malaysia never failed to surprise me by its never-ending flavors and delicacies. And I always ventured on my road to the food discovery in Malaysia with my father-in-law and also Pavan, my brother-in-law. They introduced me to many things Malaysian, those days, thanks guys!

I owe my undying love for durian to dad. It was not easy watching the whole family gather around the durians dad bought, as if a ritual was about to begin. But, ritual it was. Dad mostly bought the durians, which is by the way the king of fruits in Asia and is native to southeast Asia. One odiferous fruit, which in other words smells like stinky socks, dissuades a many from trying it. The whole family would spread out newspapers on the floor and dad would begin the ritual of opening up the durian. This fruit has a spiky, hard exterior and requires skill and a sharp knife to open it up. Once opened, it emits a very strong smell and that is usually what puts people off.

I had watched this ritual in front of my eyes many a times and I would just sit there watching the whole family wait impatiently for it to be opened and then gorge it down. I was unable to disdain that stench and go for the heavenly flavour that waited to be discovered.

One evening, however, dad spoke to me while at another one of those durian-rituals. He was opening it up and he held out a piece for me and instructed me. “Just ignore the smell and try it for the sake of trying it”, he said. I was maybe in a more receptive mind that day, and I actually decided to go ahead and try it. The first feeling, I still remember, was the softest, most delectable, almost vanilla like flavour for me. I fell in love instantly. The fruit had a big seed on the inside and what engulfed the seed was like heavenly custard like flesh clinging to the giant seed! It just melted in my mouth and I looked so content that dad knew he was not wrong. He had claimed that I would love it, and I did love it immensely.

Till now, I love durians and have been lucky enough to try some of even better qualities of the fruit in places like Pattaya, Thailand. Malaysia proudly claims extraordinary desserts made out of this fruit and so does Thailand, sticky rice with durian, chocolate covered durian and durian ice-cream to name a few.

So, if you are in this part of the world the next time, do try the fruit and the durian smorgasbord which awaits!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Tumhari Aankhen





यह कौन है तुम्हारी आँखों में
कहीं वो मैं तो नहीं?
जिसका पीछा करती हैं तुम्हारी आँखें
कहीं वो मैं तो नहीं?

ना जागती- ना सोती
गुम सुम सी आँखें
जिनकी राह देखती हैं
कहीं वो मैं तो नहीं?

जिन आँखों में थी कभी हँसी
और अब आँसू भी नहीं आते
उन बंजर सी आँखों में
कहीं वो मैं तो नहीं?

एक लंबी रात की तरह
जिसका कोई अंत नहीं
उन काली, अंधेरी सी आँखों में
कहीं वो मैं तो नहीं?

एक वक़्त था
जब उन आँखों में सिर्फ़ मैं थी
आज भी कह दो ना
उन आँखों में अब मैं नहीं.....

Saturday, October 9, 2010

What's in a name?

When I decided to get married, I didn't worry at all about gifts, jewelry or cake. Generously, my husband's large and talented family provided all of these for us.
Instead, my big worry, the one that kept me up for many, many nights, was what to do about my last name.I knew it all along that I was going to stick to my maiden name.
After months of questioning my own feminism, hypotheticals involving hyphenation (what if I did, and my children married other hyphenated offspring? and a fruitless inquiry into whether my husband had any interest in my surname (why should he, he asked, when he said men never took the wife's maiden name and added it to their own?), I decided to use my maiden name for life.
Legally, that is. Professionally, I still use my maiden name.
In social contexts, such as wedding invitations or invites from the local temple, I prefer to use my husband's family name as I am an outsider to his society (I'm an Indian married in Malaysia).

I see my friends and family members where women either simply use the husband's family name or have hyphenated both their family names. Cumbersome. It does not make me a lesser part of my husband's family, nor does it make me any more. I want to be seen as an individual, with my own identity and I want my kids to regard me one with a different history, family background and on top of it all, a wife, a mother and keeping my maiden name has helped in some ways.